A little of what I have been doing lately besides sitting at the pool reading while my boys swam. Friday night we had a big patriotic cookout in honor of my daughter's "friend" getting his USA citizenship.
We brought out a little bit of our 4th of July decorations to help us celebrate.
Saturday my husband and I walked out the door with our two youngest boys to head to the gym to workout and swim. My excitement over working out with my man in the upstairs area faded quickly when we were greeted with signs on the entrance announcing (reminding those of us with short memories like moi) the pirate pool day. Of course we couldn't miss a minute of Pirate Pool day, so we skipped our workout and headed out to partake of the festivities. Whoever thought face painted black pirate patches at a pool was an intelligent idea needs a new career other than Pirate Pool Planning for sure.
Sunday was a wonderful day packed to the brim. My little guy was baptized. He was so excited.
After our celebration lunch I crashed for a quick nap, and we all piled in the car for a patriotic concert and fireworks at our church. I did not bake or partake of that lovely cake, and I may or may not have had one of the star spangled banner brownies someone else brought.
Tuesday evening we hosted a cookout for my husbands family and his visiting relatives from California. This Friday my brothers family arrives for a fun weekend, followed by my parents next week. Below is our cookout Tuesday.
Above is my gang missing one daughter who is suffering at camp at the beach in Florida.
Summer is kicking my diet it seems. At least that is what I wanted to whine about. But WAIT...summer is what I have been dreaming about. Everything is better in summer right? I lived all the dreary January through March dreaming of hot summer days, sunshine galore, never opening a textbook, and free hours to exercise my pounds away. To some degree all that is true and more, but summer is also way busier than I remembered. Adding the pool hours in is lovely for my recreational reading and child entertainment, but annihilating my projects (aka cleaning out closets etc).
I refuse to blame summer. After all, after summer comes our birthday month of August. Five of our birthdays in one month is always a lot of cake and celebrating. Fall follows August and always brings that crisp air awakening my sleeping baking giant. The baking begins and escalates until the holidays are over, and all that's left is me, my additional poundage, and my date with the scale on January first. What does all this mean? I have a four month shot to lose weight every year? January through April is all I have?
NO. I need to stop blaming the season, the month, the holiday, the friends, the children, the hubby, the Kroger bakery that marks down the sugary junk, the lady that frowns at me in the library, and the car that drives insanely slow in front of me. LIFE is LIFE. All of this is life. So this month has been busy. It has been a really fun and wonderful kind of busy. I've got to learn to have fun and eat healthy. I've got to learn to be frustrated, sad, lonely, and happy while I eat healthy. I've got to learn to exercise regularly and eat correctly no matter what month, week, day, hour, or minute of life I am in.
This week I did not lose any weight. I did not gain any either, but maintenance is not my goal at this point. I am still at a total loss of minus 42 pounds. That is what I started this month at. I think I enjoyed June a little too much and didn't stick to my mission.
I'm going to take a week or two off from all my regular stats (blood sugar etc). I'll post a picture of my pitiful journal this week. I didn't record my food for five days which (shocker) led me to not weigh myself for four days. Now that is a scary and slippery slope that I do not want to continue, so this week my goal is to journal my food daily, and weigh daily.
I finished my study tonight with a support group watching the Made To Crave videos. It was really good, very inspiring, and I can't wait to share some of her thoughts.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
BEFORE....no more....I feel like I've been to the eye doctor. Confession: we are terrible dog groomers. Every time I bring my Lhasa Apso home from the groomer I vow to bathe and brush her regularly. Several weeks/months later I drive my failed project back to the groomer and ask for a puppy cut. This time I decided the summer heat called for a complete shave. My children are still not speaking to me. They are lamenting her gone locks and pretty ears and muzzle. So I am vowing AGAIN to bathe and comb Macie once she had some hair to bathe and comb. I figure December will be a little cold for an entire shave down.
She is too tired for any more modeling, and so glad to be home.
On the diet front still struggling this week even though I know I have one week left in June to give it my all and pull off a little loss. Ever done this?: Shopped early at Kroger yesterday and found a boatload of tantalizing unhealthy bakery goods on sale for one dollar each. One dollar! Four dollar cinnamon rolls for a dollar, and my baby loves them. Four dollar blueberry scones for....you know...one dollar. As par for the course we had teenage guests at the house, and I rationalized buying junk for the teens. I know, no one at any age needs sugary junk. Anyway, the question is not did you every buy junk, but did you ever buy junk, rationalize it was for everyone else (and honestly meant it of course), was determined you could handle the temptation of the junk at home on the counter, and then found yourself with your face in the junk? I thought I was strong enough, and found myself eating a cinnamon roll at lunch and a blueberry scone for a late night snack. Ugh.
The scale was actually down this morning...oh scale I will never figure you out. But it is not all about the scale, and my blood sugar numbers were up a little. My joints are achy, and my head hurts from the sugar. So I am not letting myself buy junk any more. There are times when I'm in the zone, but I never know when that zone might be weak. I also realize I need to feed my family more responsibly than bakery items.
I am realizing that eating, cooking, and baking the way I grew up is really not what I should continue today. This is something I'm going to need to work through and figure out BEFORE fall weather hits and I want to bake and cook like a crazy woman.
I'm off to move my body cleaning this house. The boyfriend arrives today, and the siblings are all sharpening their inquisition techniques. Oh the joys of having 6 siblings....I thought having one brother was a handful! Don't let that sweet smile in that picture below fool you....he would and will kill you over the tv clicker. (And in the pre-clicker days, Mr. Wrestler did a mad body slam if you got to close to that tv dial button. Yes, I lived in the day before the invention of the clicker.) I still love you little bro. :)
Posted by BrendaKaye at 10:56 AM | |
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Last week my youngest daughter, my baby girl, was too busy at camp to text or call home. She was preoccupied with representing her blue team from head to toe and other important camp things. She came home Friday night, threw her stuffed suitcase in the laundry room, and slept for five days straight. I hope she comes out of her shell a little more for camp next year.
Father's Day was relaxing and special. I was actually not feeling well, so my sweet hubby grilled lunch for our tribe. That is just one of the many examples of why he is such a fantastic dad. This little guy shared an important decision he had previously made at home, at church, and that was exciting. Nothing like a little guy dressed in his Sunday best.
I warned my youngest that this is the last week of his three week VBS summer tour. Mr. Optimist assured me that there might be another VBS out there somewhere. He may be my most social child yet, and as you saw from Miss Blue Team, it runs in the family.
This last week we also joined the local library summer reading program, swam in the gym pool a lot, and did not clean the house a lot. This Friday we are hosting a cookout in honor of my oldest daughter's boyfriend attaining his USA citizenship. So, let the cleaning begin; let it begin soon please!
In the eating healthy arena I continue to play with fire, dance on the edge of the slippery slope, and run fast toward the tornado. (My 11 year old suggested that last one. All the spring storm warnings must have made a lasting impression on him.) I'm still at a total loss of 42 pounds. I ended May at a loss of minus 42 pounds. If a miracle doesn't happen I am going to end June on the same note. I have been trying to tell myself that maybe I just needed a month to maintain. A healthy month of maintaining would be okay. Maybe even a necessary part of the process. But my unhealthy nibbling isn't okay, and it is escalating into full servings of dessert/sugar, and I confess I am veering away from the clean eating path. I have done this before during this last six years, and it usually means I am headed for disaster.
I like eating healthy. I like feeling healthy and strong. I like smooth skin and smaller sizes. I like looking forward to the morning scale. I like feeling successful when I'm falling asleep at night. I like zipping up my shorts without sucking in my breath and praying the button doesn't pop.
There's A LOT of things I like about living healthy, and A LOT I don't like about gaining all my weight back and living in defeat. Enough stalling and playing around with sugar. It's not nearly as fun as peace feels. So please say a prayer for me as I AGAIN focus and get back to losing and saying no to sugar.
WEEK 19 RESULTS
Fasting Blood Sugar for 6/14 through 6/20
These results show that my body does not process refined carbohydrates well at all. My goal this week is to get back to some 80 ranges.
Morning Blood Pressure for 6/14 through 6/20
These morning numbers are also starting to creep up a little.
Dreaded Scale Numbers for 6/15 through 6/21
So this week I lost 2 pounds bringing my total loss back to minus 42. (I lost 2 of the 3 pounds I had gained last week, so I still need to lose 1 more of them!) I would really like to lose something this week so I can have a loss during the month of June. I cannot believe there are only nine days left in June!
Exercise for 6/14 through 6/20
3 miles/ ?34ish? elliptical at gym forgot to write time down
None. Did personal profile at gym though.
3 miles/ outside 50.45 min. and upper body workout
3/3 miles/outside 51.45 min.
Rest day/ Father's Day!
3.8 miles/ 46 min. elliptical and lower body workout
My writing in my journal gets messier and sloppier when I'm not proud of what I have to record. I also didn't even write down my food on Father's Day. I also don't know if every nibble made it to my journal. That's the problem (or one of the many problems) with nibbling....my brain tends to forget it even if my hips don't. So getting busy to see if I can produce a little teeny tiny loss for the month of June! I know it should not all be about the scale, but in this case the scale is a pretty honest indicator of my increasing refined carb intake for these last few weeks.
Posted by BrendaKaye at 10:25 PM | |
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Chapter 8: Kill the ANTS is possibly my favorite chapter. ANTS stand for Automatic Negative Thoughts, and Dr. Amen says we need to "develope your internal anteater". He also says ants "leave you feeling powerless," and he says "ants make you fat, unhappy, and stupid." He lists ten ants, and the last two: blame and denial, he says are the most dangerous. He encourages honest thinking to overcome our bad ant habits. He says to write down the ANT, the type of ANT it is (from his list of 10), and how to Kill the ANT. He also quoted four questions Byron Katie asks when confronting a thought.
Let me back up a second. When I started reading this chapter I was supposed to be outside walking. I just didn't feel the groove for exercising, and had decided to sit down and read instead. As I read about killing negative thoughts I decided to apply those four questions by Byron Katie. They were:
- Is it true?
- Can I absolutely know its true?
- How do I react when I think that thought?
- How would I be without the thought?
- Is it true? No. I actually do feel great when I exercise.
- No, I can't absolutely know it's true because sometimes I love exercising.
- I feel lazy, sad, tired, hopeless, and anxious when I think that thought.
- I will be more hopeful, happy, energetic, planning, and ready without that thought.
Another example: My crew was leaving a wonderful day of Camp Outrageous last week and I heard cousin Seth ( 10 years old) saying he "hated his new school" and he "hated America because it is so big." (He just moved here from his birthplace of South Africa six months ago. Lots of changes for this little person.) I asked him if Aunt Brenda could teach him something. He said sure. I told him about the ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts), and how we need to try to stamp them out (before they take over), but that we also need to replace them with something positive and good. His big eyes looked like they were thinking, and I asked him if there was anything he LIKED about his new school. What transpired was amazing. He took a deep breath, his shoulders straightened upward, and his voice raised a little higher as he said," Well, I do like that they do......... at my new school." He said a few more positive things while I gave him my full attention, and his entire demeanor changed for the better by the time he finished. His attitude changed his entire physical position...his posture and his voice. Our brains are such powerful tools.
So I am trying to manage my ANTS better. My children are hearing a lot about ANTS. I've even asked my daughter the artist to make me a NO ANTS painting to put in the kitchen. If any of you are ANT challenged like me, I highly recommend checking out his book at your local library like I did and reading this chapter.
One more thing he mentioned was the formula HALT. Don't get too:
Now I need to apply the ANTS philosophy to my bad attitude about cleaning my house! Working on killing the automatic negative house cleaning thoughts...they are pretty stubborn though.
Posted by BrendaKaye at 3:05 PM | |
Friday, June 17, 2011
Who needs expensive vacations when you can visit the Amazon Jungle (week one VBS), the Big Apple (week two VBS), and the Big Beach Bash (week three VBS next week)! My two youngest are having a blast. This is their first year to go to more than one week of VBS, and I'm thinking it might become a tradition. Yesterday was big, bad, and bold hair day as you can see above. They had a blast before they even walked out the door.
My boys spend a lot of time with me (I teach them until middle school usually), and yesterday my Peter asked me what I did while they were gone each day. After I told him he said, "Pretty much what you do while we are here." Pretty much. Actually I am shocked at how time flies and I manage to get nothing done.
When I was younger and my children were little I had a neighbor who complained about how she never got anything done. In fact, she was really bad about starting projects and never finishing them. For instance she tore half her kitchen wall paper down and took many months to complete the job while staring at half torn down wallpaper. She took her kitchen cabinets off to paint them, and you guessed it, took many months to complete the project. She also needed to lose fifty plus pounds, and talked a lot about wishing she would. We were friends, and I couldn't help but observe these things since she discussed them and I saw them almost daily. Back then, over 14 years ago, I was somewhat driven and couldn't relate to why she didn't do what she wanted to do.
Fast forward 14 years to a tired and less driven me. I cannot criticize her because I have projects waiting on me that are not half done because they aren't even started. I wish there was a pill for motivation. Traditionally the week after I teach VBS is a rest week, but after this weekend I need to kick things up a notch or two. For instance my 8 AM alarm clock setting should probably ratchet down an hour or more. During the school year it is 6:30 AM, and it's so tempting to sleep later in the summer. In my forties I have had a harder time getting my get going mojo going. Anyone else? Once in a while I have a day where I bounce out of bed ready to accomplish a boat load of tasks and stay focused for hours. Those days are rare, and remind me of how I used to wake up like that all the time: ready to conquer the world. Not so much world conquering happening around here these days. Again, is this the forties or just me? I guess the only way to work out of this unmotivated slump is to start with getting up earlier. If I start my morning with hot lemon water, The Word, and prayer my day seems to begin much better; like I am in charge of my day, instead of the day running me. Awww it's just so tempting to sleep later in the summer, but I've got to choose better over easier. So my goal for this Monday is to run the day instead of it running me, beginning with my wake up time.
Another thing I have to start doing is list making. Diane at Fit to the Finish had a good blog about this, and it reminded me of what a list maker I used to be. I still am in crunch times like holidays, birthdays, and party hostessing. I need to make more lists on regular days. When I was growing up my mom never even made grocery lists. I was amazed that she just shopped without any plan. Well, fast forward to me now and you'll find me at Kroger with no list...unless of course I'm there getting dinner party supplies. I used to always plan out my meals and their accompanying shopping necessities with lists upon lists. I'm a visual person and visual lists are good for me. I need to face the truth/ reality, and seeing it in lists on paper will help me.
So my two goals for the next week are lowering my alarm clock and starting some tangible lists. Of course I'll need to get up when the alarm goes off and actually tackle those lists, but starting a plan gives me hope that my get going mojo will get going. I don't want to get to August, back to school time, and not have anything accomplished over the summer. I think all of this will help in my healthy journey too because my get going mojo affects everything. What gets you going and keeps you focused on accomplishing your goals?
Posted by BrendaKaye at 1:27 PM | |