I Didn't Picture it Going That Way or Breakdown of a Meltdown

I am not sure where it all began or exactly how to dissect it.  I do know that way back in the 80's we used to call overeating a "pig out", and now in our kinder gentler denial sort of generation the pig out is now the new meltdown.  Back to the dissection of healthy eating gone wrong.  I think maybe it might have begun yesterday morning on the dreaded scale.  I told myself NOT to step on it; I had already had my 16 ounces of water and everybody knows you don't step on the scale with clothes on or before beverage intake.  I ignored the loud voice in my head telling it I had worked hard all week and it was  time to face the scale.  Up, yes up 2 pounds.  I tried to ignore the drama in my head but I am afraid it may have set the tone for the whole day.  I managed to eat well and exercise 1 hour.  It was later in the day, after running errands with my three youngest children for three hours that I began to get discouraged.  My sweet hubby that I missed all week was flying back into town....only I had pictured it happening late afternoon and it turned out to be a late night flight.  Then my older girlies, the same ones the night before had said they were free on Friday evening (a very rare thing for my teens), now all had big plans.  I had pictured us all enjoying a girls night out with Aidan in tow at a fun Mexican restaurant.  Instead after dropping my two above Aidan at sleepovers it ended up just me, Aidan, and frozen pizza at home.  All of these not bad things, but just not the way I had seen it in my head as Hitch said.  So the drama in my spoiled head reached a peak and being the very emotional eater that I am, my spoiled head told me I needed some homemade warm chocolate pudding to soothe my soul.  I made a small yummy smelling straight from scratch batch on the stove.  God even sent me a lifeline distraction...my sweet Abby called to ask could her group of 7 or so friends hang here at the house.  I had to throw the pot in the fridge, sweep, straighten, throw together a chip and salsa tray and a batch of brownies.  I was proud of my quick hostessing skills and left the group to their own while I retired back in my bedroom.  Retired back in my bedroom that is with my dessert bowl of now not so hot but slightly cooled homemade chocolate pudding topped with a little whip.  A long time ago I  bought some cute glass dessert bowls that hold only about a cup...for obvious reasons...the ice cream in the cereal bowls was getting out of control!  Well, I am Houdini with that dessert cup....filling it magically with a towering amount of slippery pudding topped with whip and not losing a drop.  It would be safer if I'd just use the cereal bowl.  I notice the other day that my 10 year old Peter has my gift of dessert bowl stuffing when I saw his towering half a container of ice cream stacked in his tiny dessert cup.

Anywho, after my chocolate pudding meltdown, I had a horrible headache.  I guess it is a good sign that I am eating healthy enough that sugar gives me a headache.  My wonderful hubby arrived home, the party people left happily, my big kiddos, hubby, and I enjoyed some late night nibbling, kitchen cleaning, olympic watching, and visiting.  All was well with the world, and minus the headache that is probably how I would have pictured the evening ending if I had pictured past the pudding blocking my view.  So I don't know what my calorie totals were for Friday.  I long for the day where my emotional dramas do not effect my eating.  Maybe when life doesn't go like the movie in my head, I need to figure some coping skills that are not food based.  I need a diet Hitch to keep me going with some inspiring quotes and snappy advice!

She's Got His Back

Sandra Bullock would be proud.  Guard Kitty has his back every night.  Their relationship started in the early hours of the morning when Aidan could barely crawl.  She, Lila the guard kitty that is, was so excited to have company before sunrise that she greeted us happily during Aidan's way too early feedings.  As soon as Aidan was done with his gourmet breakfast, he would crawl to Lila and completely lay on her.  He would maul, squish, love, cuddle, and pull out her hairs while she put up with every second of his attention.  She does not put up with anything even close to this from any other member of the house.  She loves him so, and every night without fail we find her guarding her little man at the end of his bed.

I am so thankful for the people who have my back.  I am blessed.  Thank you sweetie pie, wonderful children, super parents, and great friends who all encourage me, pray for me, and laugh with me.

On another note, it was turkey pot pie for dinner tonight.  This is actually a picture of chicken pot pie I made a couple of weeks ago.  It is the same recipe, but tonight we made it with turkey.  My Emma the Picky Eater loves this dinner.  Here it is without the yummy crust.

On the right is the simple crust before the oven.  And after an hour in the oven it looks like the above picture.  Not a bad calorie total at around 250 a serving.  We like to serve it on our winter snowman dishes with a side of cornbread.  Our winter snowman dishes have actually brought us a lot of snow this year.

I am slowly working on my February goals.  The closet and curtains still haunt me, but I have one week left to see what I can accomplish.  Below is an update on exercise and calories from Tuesday the 9th through today.  Hopefully I will not take so long to update next time!

Tuesday, February 9: 1363 calories, 60 minutes of exercise ( 26 min. 30 Day Shred & 34 min. elliptical)
Wednesday, Feb. 10: 1192 calories, 46 minutes on the elliptical
Thursday, Feb. 11: 1125 calories, 60 minutes of exercise (26 of 30 Day Shred & 34 min. elliptical)
Friday, Feb. 12:  1405 calories, 60 minutes of exercise ( 26 of 30 Day Shred & 34 min. elliptical)
Saturday, Feb. 13: Free calorie day...Valentine's Date to Bonefish Grill..YUM!  66 min. on the elliptical
Sunday, Feb. 14:  Meltdown.  Spoiled from one meal out and did not count calories again today.
Monday, Feb. 15: 1225 calories, 60 minutes of exercise ( 26 Shred and 34 elliptical)
Tuesday, Feb. 16: 1490 calories, no exercise because of Bible study day
Wednesday, Feb. 17: 1170 calories, 26 minutes 30 Day Shred, I was very tired today.
Thursday, Feb. 18: 1495 calories, 46 minutes of elliptical.  Had a near-meltdown with half a gigantic Costco blueberry muffin, but recovered and got a grip.

Whew!! That should be enough motivation to update more frequently! I am off to check on my little man and his personal guard kitty.

Bringing Tea Back

I guess it hadn't really gone anywhere, but I had gotten out of the tea habit.  I don't know if it was the snow, or the desire to use my tall skinny really cool mug, or just the power of suggestion after the green tea box fell on my head, but today tea and I reunited (and it felt so good).  All three meals I warmed my constantly cold old hands on my tall skinny really cool mug while sipping green tea.  Something about the slightly bitter hot taste seemed like a good ending for each meal.  It is in my genes to believe all meals except maybe breakfast should end in something sweet.  Breakfast just doesn't end with sweet because generally it has sweet poured all over it or in it.  That slightly bitter have to talk myself into tea taste in my tall skinny really cool mug seemed to tell my taste buds I was done.  No need for anything sweet.  It was a great theory for today, and I hope it works for me tomorrow.  I cannot see any downside to bringing tea back unless my teeth turn dingy and green.  I may have to drag out the dreaded teeth whitener.

First day of my three weeks of February goals agenda was a success.  My only regret today was after I woke up to almost 4 inches of snow, I should not have told my jumping off the ceiling small boys to wait an hour to go out and sculpt their snowman.  In true West Tennessee fashion, before the hour was up the rain started falling, and it fell all day long.  No playing happened in the soggy snow.  Next time I will try not to count on the snow staying for an hour!  I am hoping we get a little magic snow overnight so I can make it up to them.

Today I drank over 80 ounces of water, exercised 46 minutes on the elliptical, and ate 1,246 calories.  I am looking forward to tomorrow;  I've got a breakfast date with my tall skinny really cool mug.

Hello February; Goodbye January

I hate goodbyes. I have put it off for a week now though; I won't miss you January, but I will always remember you and the 14 pounds I left behind with you.  January was a really good month as a cold, dreary, put away the Christmas decorations month goes.  It was actually a great month.  I was in the zone with my plan for narrowing the gap of 8 inches on the chest of my Little Rose Jacket.  Oh zone I love you.

Then February hit like a hurricane blowing me around, beating me up, and washing my zone back out to the sea.  Four weeks is all I made it before having a zone meltdown.  How pitiful is that?  So today I am re-reading my healthy momma vs. vacation momma post, remembering my original goals, focusing on the long term, trying not to give up from discouragement over last week, and setting goals for February.

Goals for February...hum.  I have three weeks left.  Three weeks is a lot, and I want to make the most of them.  Goals are tricky.  I want goals that challenge me enough without discouraging me.  Goals that are realistic and attainable while motivating and stimulating.  I need a goal psychiatrist.  I want to focus on goals that I make happen; not goals that are impossible to control.  Example: I can set goals for calories and exercise.  Maybe I can set ranges for weight, but I am leery of setting certain weights.  The last week of January I over-exercised and under-ate.  Still my scale did not move.  If I am doing the correct things I do not want to be stressed if the scale does not move.  On the other hand, maybe a reasonable weight range to lose each month is important so I do not settle for the scale not moving at all.  I just don't want to set scale goals in my head that I am working too hard to meet, or not enough.  

Ta-da: February Goals (or the 3 weeks that are left in the love month)

1. Eating.  I will strive to eat clean.  Keep my calories under 1500 a day.  Report daily calories on blog ( reporting previous days when I post). One day, the Valentine's Date with Hubby day, I will not report calories.  This may or may not be on the 14th (gotta wait in line for my free babysitters around here!).

2. Exercise.  I will exercise 5 days each week.  I will report this when I post.  I will do the 30 Day Shred at least 3 days per week.  I will visit the Zumba class ( oh this one scares me and sends me way out of my comfort zone box).  

3.  Home.  I will clean out my closet.  I will sew Emma Grace's curtains.  

4.  Mind/ Spirit.  I will finish reading 1 book.  I will catch-up on my homework for Revelation.

5.  Family.  We will have at least 1 game night.  I will take my youngest three on a field trip.

6.  GOALS.  I will write my goals for March on or before Sunday February 28, 1010. I am hoping this will prevent me from losing another week to a meltdown. 

Wow oh wow.  That seems like a lot of goals.  I need a nap just to get ready for them.  I will start on none other than the dieters first day of the week...Monday.  Tomorrow.  That scares me a little that I am waiting until tomorrow, but I am determined to succeed this week.  My magic blog.  It seems like if I write and journal my goals here, I might will do them.  So I am putting this week behind me, and focusing on the next three.  Oh, and goal number 3 is probably harder and scarier than the rest.  Procrastination in the closet and curtains area makes me feel like it is a way bigger project than it is.

On an ending note.  Last night was the Valentine's Dance for my three high school girlies.  What a fun night.  Maybe later I will download some photos, but I am blessed.  It was a fun night of pretty dresses, fun flowers, lots of laughing, tons of pictures, and 9 extra girls spending the night making a total of 18 in our house sleeping not so soundly. I wish I had remembered to snap of few pictures of the girls and guys hanging in the kitchen, sitting on my counters, telling stories about the evening, and generally enjoying being a teen.  I guess at 1:30 am my non- teen brain doesn't think clearly anymore!

I am NOT a Robot

Just in case any of you were wondering, today proves that I am not a robot.  In December my good friend from the cold north was exasperated at her husband.  He is a robot was her exact description.  He had decided to drop a few pounds the low carb way...the really low carb way.  During the holidays no less, he managed to lose around 15 pounds.  She was finding the pounds he was losing, due to holiday festivities and stress.  She finally decided she just wanted to be a robot too.  A dieting robot; no cheating; no wavering; no veering off course.
I am not sure if I want to be a robot, but today was the perfect storm for a non-robot me.  What was it that made it so perfect?  1. I was tired.  Way to tired to think in a long term goal sorta way.  My own fault from staying up too late.  2.  Hectic schedule.  Todays schedule was tight and long.  It involved lots of organization, transporting of children here to there, special classes, a children's valentines party, and a loud roller skating rink.  3.  Over-doing the exercise last weekend.  What I was so proud of at the time, turned out to wear me out by Tuesday.  I need to learn moderation.  4.  Depression Disappointment.  Sadness.  I hate to even mention this in the light of all the real tragedy in the world.  I really have more blessings than I can count, and that might be the answer to me getting out of this sadness; I need to start counting!  I am being real here though when I acknowledge that a big part of my perfect storm is my mood, and boy it is down today.  Nothing tragic.  I am just sad for a child of mine who is having a rough time, and sad for a tough decision I had to make over the weekend.  Things that will be fine because I know God is in control, and I trust Him completely.  Today I am still a little sad though.  5.  Hormones.  Cycles.  The gift of womanhood.  I am about to have the normal hormonal cycle week, and no doubt that is not helping my mood in # 4.

So there it is: the perfect storm.  While overly tired I maneuvered through a very full day, dragging my sore muscles here and there, smiling at the world while crying inside, and all the time wondering if this overdue cramping would ever produce something?  In this unlike robot mood, and hungry from no breakfast (see hectic schedule), I ran into the potluck bonanza at the Valentine party.  I did so good all of January, and today I gave into the meatballs, vegetable pastry thing, pasta, and heart cookies.  Ugh.  When I got home I continued my pity party with my favorites: Nutella and leftover pizza for dinner.

I wish I was one of those people who do not eat when they are in the perfect storm.  It is easier for me to stay strong when I am happy and hopeful.  I need to stop giving in to food when I am sad, or hormonal, or tired, or anything!  I don't want this to turn into the month where I reverse what I did in January.  I am going to address this by doing what I can with the perfect storm factors.  I can get more sleep tonight, exercise more sanely this week, and count my blessings, and pray!

I also need to decide some goals for February and update my pounds lost in January.  I will try to get this done within a couple of days.  So praying Wednesday is a better day!!  What is your dieting kryptonite, and what do you do to conquer it?

Oh and trainermomma.blogspot.com has a really fantastic heart monitor giveaway this week!

Dear Blog I Missed You This Week

Yesterday I woke up and looked out my windows to see a southern winter wonderland.  The weather man promised more and more snow, but alas by this morning all we pretty much had was 2 1/2 inches of ice.  Not ideal for making snow angels or men.  But I was thrilled because everything was closed, and I remembered what I had brought home after my library trip the day before.

I have to give all you people who live in snowland all winter lots of credit, because this cold icy weather makes me want to stay in my jammies, drink hot cocoa with lots of whip cream and a a couple pirouettes, and read books all day long.  But then reality hit and I remembered these people, and how they might want some dinner after their all day Mario competition ended.

She is not really a person, but she never wants to be left out when the camera is out, or when the american cheese is opened. So I began to think that I could make all those people some dinner in my jammies with a book in my hand when I remembered what was waiting for me upstairs.

So I changed out of my jammies, into my workout clothes, and climbed the stairs.  51 minutes later I felt really good, inspired, and crazy.  I spent part of my elliptical time watching the Jillian Micheal's 30 Day Shred DVD, and thought it did not look too tough.  I have been working out I thought to myself...how bad can it be?  Jumping jacks tough?  Really?  So I called for my 17 year old daughter and we began level 1 together.

I will never make fun of jumping jacks again.  Oh the lunges.  Today my daughter and I are moaning together.    I mistakenly thought 51 minutes on my elliptical today would work out my sore legs...nope.  I am looking forward to doing this workout during February; once I can climb the stairs again.
On another note, I have been inspired by trainermomma.blogspot.com salads.  I have been eating one every day for lunch.  Yum.  She also has a really good recipe for White Chicken Chili that I made for the family last night.  It was so good one of my daughters was eating it for breakfast this morning.  Below is my salad from yesterday.

The crew is back in from playing in the ice.  I am off to make them some dinner.  I snapped a picture or two of the girls before they went out, but missed the boys.

Oh and I did stay strong: no hot cocoa, just hot tea! That may sound silly, but last winter hot cocoa helped me get where I am today.   I need to decide some goals for the month of February, and post them next week.  Anybody else have a winter indulgence they have to step away from?

Mixing it Up or Not

This weekend I had a ton of fun playing with my blog. It was like an afternoon rearranging my living room furniture without the backache. Well, my bottom did get a little sore. I was obsessed with trying different looks for my blog background and header. A few button pushes and voila a totally new looking blog. My husband pointed out to me more than once that a blog is really about the writing, but I was empowered by my new blogger layouting skills. It was magic, and good for a few laughs since some backgrounds never look anything like what you think they will. If anyone out there stopped by my blog they may have seen some strange combinations. I have to give my daughter Lizzie a lifetime supply of something (anybody know what 16 year olds want a lifetime supply of?) for her indulging me in my blog play. She voted and revoted and voted and revoted on my silly combinations and choices. In the end, my hubby was right and I ended up at square one. Back to the the way it was.

When I was not stuck to my chair designing my blog, I spent some time stuck to the couch reading some of the latest and greatest diet books. I love doing this. This time I started to feel like I was picking and choosing blog backgrounds and headers again. Some of the book's authors agree on some things and are completely opposite on others. Honestly, don't tell my brother but he was right when he said that I read too much. It can get very confusing, and trying to pick and choose and combine is making me a little crazy. I am going to finish the two books I am on this week because my brother is right, but I have a feeling I'll be back to the basics and square one when I get done. Anybody else out there get confused by all the theorys and plans for a healthy diet?

On a happy note: I finished my three week cleanse yesterday. It feels so good to accomplish a goal. I lost 15 1/2 pounds over the three weeks. My goal this week is to eat healthy, exercise, and let that quick loss turn into real weight loss. If I can end the month with that loss it will be a good month. On an observance of the unfairness of the world: my wonderful hubby announced today that he (while not doing the cleanse) also lost 9 pounds over the last three weeks.

What does my picture of Aidan in my beach hat have to do with this blog? Nothing except it makes me smile and I hope it does the same for you!