Everything's Bouquet

Monday, January 11, 2010


I need a big shot of reality.  One that will stay with me through the hormones, child tantrums, celebrations, bad days, and good days of well...the rest of my life.  I looked at the pictures of me taken on New Year's Eve 2009.  Wow.  That should be helpful in my need for reality.  I just don't see myself the way I really am.  Of course it helps when I refuse to glance at myself in the shopping mirrors, don't let my family photograph me, and wear comfy clothes all winter.  Denial.  My middle name.  No more.  I have several reality checks, and I need to use them permanently.  Reality checks for permanent use:  scale, tape measure, clothing with a zipper not a string, photographs, desire to be photographed, and consistency of exercise.  These are just a few that seem to disappear the minute my diet starts going down hill.  I say good-bye to them with lots of excuses. This time when the time comes (and it always does), I need to stay in reality and say good-by to the excuses.  It is not tomorrow anymore...it is today forever!  So big step for me: I am posting the New Year's Eve pictures of me.  These were taken 4 days before I started my cleanse. 

Hokay,  those pictures are painful really.  BUT they are my before photos (never mind I am still in before presently).  I hope to compare them to some much better ones in eight months or less.  They are my TODAY pictures.  Today I will make the right choices...TODAY.

On another note.  I spent the weekend reading some Caringbridge Journals of a sweet lady who died of cervical cancer two years ago.  She was only 28 and left behind a husband, two year old daughter, and lots of other family and friends.  Her story is amazing, and she is leaving a legacy behind her.  It inspired me in many ways...but one was to do the best I can do in all areas including this health journey.  

Today I started week 2 of the detoxing cleanse.  I did great over the weekend.  Saturday I followed all my requirements including bumping my eliptical up to a whopping 42 minutes.  I was rewarded this morning with a 9 1/2 pound loss for the first week.  I know this is not regular weight loss, and when I am not cleansing the losing will take much longer, BUT it is a very nice jump start to encourage me.  It is not all water, because even the sweater in the pictures above was fitting much better today.  Yea!

So onto week 2.  Did great today and kept my eliptical at 42 minutes.  I am also enjoying cooking for my family.  Weird I know.  It is part of the organized, making good choices package I guess.  This cleanse is teaching me to cook without eating...something I had forgotten how to do.  I was eating before, during, and after the meal when I was creating in the kitchen.  It is also shrinking my stomach.  I really get very full on just a little amount now.  It is also giving me confidence.  Confidence that I can set a goal and accomplish it.  Let me change that saying up a little and say...Nothing tastes as good as confidence feels.  

Anybody else have any remedies for living in denial?


Crabby McSlacker said...

Sounds like you're off to a great start!

And I think one of the best remedies for denial is to take a non-judgmental attitude towards yourself during your journey. It's easier to stay accountable if you don't feel like you're the worst person in the world if you slip up every now and then. I think the people who can shrug and say "I screwed up" and not get too hard on themselves are less likely to be in denial, and are more able to bounce back and keep going strong.

Good luck, you sound really determined!

BrendaKaye said...

That is a great point! One of my favorite articles, I think written by Judith Beck, was about playing the middle man between the dieting person and the wild eating person inside us. Not letting either gain control...beating ourselves up with rules or going bananas without eating limitations. She said to sit on the couch and picture each person/view in your two hands and moderate the arguing between them. It does bring out the gentler, kinder, and slightly more sane person. :)