Tuesday Weekly Results (#12) and It's Not Pretty

I just realized as I typed that heading, this was officially the twelfth week, and as I mentioned before, my longest run at faithful healthy eating in the last six years was roughly twelve weeks.  I wish I could report that I breezed through it with flying colors, that I am down to minus 40 pounds, and that my loss for this month will be a record awesome number.  Unfortunately, without even realizing it was week twelve, I succumbed to my old ways of unhealthy eating.  What should have been one lovely Easter day of celebration and fun turned into five long days of overindulgence and overeating.  It is always shocking to me how I can be booking right along at a great pace staying on plan and making right choices, and then suddenly I am five days into a streak of unhealthy eating and very poor choices.  Yes, five days including today.  I just finished off the last tiny piece of homemade coconut cream pie, even though I know it will make my blood sugar higher than I want it to be.  Who am I, and where is that girl who passed up bazillions of treats the last three months?

I did have one thought today during a temptation I did manage to pass up.  I said to myself, "I don't care."  In other words, I don't care about the consequences, but I would rather have ______.   To a degree, I meant it.  At the moment I didn't care that my sugar would be up, and I might gain another pound or two.  It was a lie I told to myself to do whatever I wanted though, because I do care.  I don't care means that I don't care if diabetes leads to the amputation of both my legs from the knee down like my Grandma Thomas.  I don't care means I don't mind if I can't see my grandchildren because of my diabetes like my Aunt Doris.  After reading that you are probably thinking I am crazy with those genes to ever look at sugar, but I am adopted so I could throw out the gene argument.  But I have seen the consequences up close, and I do care.  I do want to keep my legs, and I do want to see my family until the day I die.  I do care, and telling myself I don't is lying to myself.

So the results below are frankly awful. They are disappointing and sad.  I feel like I let myself down, and anyone following my progress.  This is my first week since February for a gain in my weight, and it is a big gain.  Enough is enough.  From this minute on I will try to regroup and stay on track.  I had a break (which I should not have had), and now I need to start working on this journey again.  I hope to do well enough the next four days to lose some of what I gained before my month end results.  It will take everything in me to pull it off though, because it is so hard to reign back in my inner sugar monster.  Hopefully, knowing I will be posting the end of April results on Sunday will help motivate me!  Frankly me messing up is not shocking, and me giving up is not shocking.  Shocking will be me picking myself back up, and continuing on until I reach my goal of losing 4o some more pounds from now.  This time I am praying for shocking!  I don't want to go back.

WEEK 12 SORRY RESULTS


Fasting Blood Sugar for 4/19/11 through 4/25/11
80
74
76
79
91 Sweet Cici's Frozen Yogart the night before
100  Baking with tasting the night before.
99  The day after Easter desserts.

Morning Blood Pressure for 4/19/11 through 4/25/11
98/57
87/50
85/47
83/57
90/57
97/56
85/56

Dreaded Scale Numbers for 4/20/11 through 4/26/11
-1
+0.5
-0
+1
+1.5
+2
-0
So I cannot really blame the scale this week.  It was more like the dreaded me. My total GAIN this week was 4 pounds.  I actually put on 3 pounds before Easter day.  I put on another 2 on Easter, but only put on a total of 4 since I had lost 1 pound on the first day.  So last week I lost 4 pounds, and this week I put back on 4 pounds.  That brings my total loss back to minus 34 pounds.  If I had not gone backwards I might have held my ground or even made it to 40 pounds.  It is what it is however, and I need to do better this week!

Exercise for 4/19/11 through 2/25/11
2.0 miles at 33 min. on elliptical and lower body workout
3.0 miles at 46 min. on elliptical and upper body workout
2.0 miles at 30.10 min. on elliptical.  So tired I stopped early.
3.2 miles at 46.39 min. on elliptical. TIRED and lower body workout.
Saturday I cleaned and baked for Easter.
Easter/ Rest
4.8 miles at 66 min. on elliptical and upper body workout.

One good thing from adding in more calories is my workouts are better.  I have so much more energy.  My calories were getting lower and lower the last couple of weeks, and I felt like I had no energy to workout.  Yesterday and today my workouts were fantastic.  We have had so many storms and rain, that it has been to wet to walk outside.  I hope it drys up soon!

One last note.  My blood sugar goes up immediately with any sugary dessert (as you can see up above).  I just should not mess around. My health is not worth it.  Bad weather is all around us, and I had better publish this post before our electricity goes out!  So sorry about my rough week.  I hope and pray to do better this week!

Very Short Sugar Detoxing Update

Whew this is harder than I thought it would be.  Opening those fridges and seeing all those yummy leftovers: pies, casseroles, pies, and casseroles, turning around and seeing that Easter candy still littering the kitchen table, and feeling the rumbly in my tummy is tough.  It all makes for one whiny me.  I don't know who you should pray for more: me or my poor family! I hear eight amens to that.  The day is early; so far I am on track; hope I can make it until bedtime!

Dissecting the Danger Zone

Me as Aunt Bee from Mayberry Street R.F.D.

I deserve it.  That was what began my downfall this last holiday weekend.  I deserve what? I deserve to start filling my body with sugar and junk.  I deserve to eat till I feel sick and my head is spinning?  I deserve to gain back a few of those pounds that took hard work and diligence to get rid of? I deserve to get bumps on my tongue and a sore throat because I cannot put down the chocolate?  I deserve to go to bed defeated and sad? I deserve to eat because it is my right, even though I am not hungry, and realize the food doesn't even taste that good? I deserve to think about the food around me instead of the people I love.  I deserve to abandon the way I know that is better and good because it is a holiday?  A holiday celebrating sacrifice, obedience, and victory at that!  Oh the irony of my thinking.  

I know a better way now.  After my weekend of indulgence my husband even said that all the unhealthy food did not even taste that good, and he likes our healthier eating better.  He is so right.  My husband, children, parents, friends, and Lord deserve me living the best life I can live.  That living includes eating the healthiest I can eat all the time.  I hope I learned a very big lesson this weekend.  I just cannot handle a break.  I really cannot handle sugar.  It brings out the sugar monster in me; making it very hard for me to stop eating sweets.  I hope some day I will be able to handle a little sugar, but I cannot right now.  

In the middle of my danger zone yesterday I kept announcing that tomorrow I would jump back into my healthy eating.  I think I was reminding myself, as I stuffed another chocolate into my mouth, and telling my husband in case I was scaring him to death.  He said that yesterday wasn't scaring him, it was Monday that he was not looking forward to.  He was again so right, and he knows me too well.  MONDAY= DETOXING FROM SUGAR WEEKEND DAY.  So I should have added to my "I Deserve List", I deserve to suffer in agony with headaches and mental stress while detoxing from sugar junk.  I deserve to panic and cry over the number on the scale on Monday morning.  I deserve to huff and puff as I try to walk up the hill.  

Sugar and junk food is overrated.  Living in a body that feels good and moves well is fantastic.  Fitting into clothes that hang nicely and look good is exciting.  Resting at night after a victorious day filled to the brim with fulfilling accomplishments is rewarding.  Walking by the mirror and stealing a glance instead of ignoring my reflection is priceless.  Catching my husband looking at my shrinking behind as I exit the room makes me feel like I'm 22 again and that....well that's way more fun than chocolate pie!

So think of me today as I get back on track.  If you hear someone screaming it's me stepping on the scale. I have a feeling my Tuesday Results are not going to be pretty.  Oh and that Aunt Bee picture above??? Well let's just say I didn't see any small girls dressed like that last October.  Come to think of it I don't think I saw anybody but ME dressed like that back in 1970. 

Easter in Pictures and Song

Above was our Saturday EXTRAVEGANZA at our church. Over 55,000 eggs literally!

Above are the Easter morning table treats.  Translated Mama didn't feel like dragging down baskets this year and cleaning up purple, pink and yellow grass until Christmas.  I think he doesn't look like he is missing the grass/basket combo to much!

Above is lunch.  The lamb Grandma brought was delicious, and yes I had all three of those desserts at some point today.  My morning blood sugar numbers are gonna be scary...stay tuned!  If I was getting a little too confident, this holiday smacked me right back down.

Family pictures above.  Grandparents and all my children except my oldest.  He was working and we missed him. My girlie in red went back to college to finish out her last two weeks after our festivities.

                    A little after dinner Blurt.

We finished out the day with some egg dying.  It was a wonderful Easter full of blessings.  I leave you with one of my favorite songs sung by Mandisa.  It is perfect for this special day. May God bless you!

Journaling

My weights and my ipod speaker pretty much live on my bathroom counter these days.  I am trying to use some will power and not pick up my eight or ten pound weights (not pictured) yet.  My plan is to stay with the lower weights at more repetitions for a while to avoid injury. I have disk issues in my neck, and every time I get over aggressive with the weight lifting my disks do not like it.

What do you use for journaling?  I would love some input.  I have tried several different journals in all price ranges.  Above are the Body for Life and Weight Watcher journals I used in the past.  I liked both of them, but ended up not completely finishing either because the magic is definitely not in type of journal.  I used to search for the perfect book or journal to compel me to succeed.  This time I seem to be progressing without any super journal.

This time I am using a simple notebook that probably cost ten cents at the back to school sales. No profound  record taking really, but I do write down my health stats every morning and add my exercise later.  The sticky notes are me being to lazy to transfer the exercise data yet.  It actually has several years of failed attempts at dieting in it, which means it is about to run out.  So this made me realize I need a plan.  I may just stick with what is working and pull out another ten cent notebook.  The nice thing about the notebook is there is an endless amount of space.  If I decide to add more information or thoughts I can.  I am toying with the idea of pulling out a lesson plan book.

The teacher in me loves my lesson plan book.  This is also a cheap option at only three dollars and forty nine cents.  It has lots of nice little planning boxes and headings.  I am still trying to wrap my mind around how to work it out since it is really made for five days instead of seven.  I think it might work though, and I think I may add in journaling my food daily.

I don't know; I keep going back and forth on this idea or just keeping it simple with the notebook that is already working.  I would love to hear what you all are using!

On another note I am struggling this week.  I am trying to figure out why.  Today I woke up just tired of this process and wanting to do what I want to do: translated anything but exercising and eating healthy.  I am trying to push through it.  While analyzing it I did have one light bulb moment: I am nearing the end of three months on this try at healthy living.  SCARY.  Scary because over the last six years, three months is about my longest limit before I start wilting and going back to my old ways.  NOT THIS TIME, NOT THIS TIME, NOT THIS TIME.  Maybe if I add some heel clicking to that it will work.  I so don't want to give up,  loose all my progress, gain all the weight back, and be miserable.  I need to push through this and keep going.  Just two and a half more pounds and I will be half way.  That is encouraging and overwhelming.  I am praying that I get a second wind and keep on keeping on.  Just do it me; just do it!

Attitude

This picture pretty much sums up my lifetime issues with food.  Multi-tasking to the max: barely managing to stand up on those chubby legs while eating at the same time.  Stuffing my mouth would be a better description.

Attitude makes all the difference in everything (obviously), but when it smacks me in the face in a negative way it always surprises me.  Today has been a rough day.  I woke up with such a heavy heart.  Depressed is another valid depiction.  We found out earlier in the week our girls' school tuition will be higher this year, and that seemed like an impossible predicament.  Of course I started praying immediately, but the thought of changing schools for my girls was getting the best of me by this morning.  I woke up knowing the enrollment contract was due Friday and my heart was heavy.  As I took my son to work early this morning we passed a horrific wreck just four minutes from my house.  A six to eight car pile up, with one BMW crushed, and a woman laying very still face down on the road (people around her waiting for emergency help).  That could have been me if we had left on time ten minutes earlier.  I couldn't stop crying and thinking about those poor people and the woman and her family.  The crying over almost anything continued to be a theme this day.  Maybe part of it is my hormones?

Anyway, back to dieting and attitude.  When I got home from that early car drive I knew it was time to hit the elliptical.  I was so down however, I really just wanted to get back into bed.  I was worried though that giving into resting would be a slippery slope, ending in my old habits of no exercise ever, so I told myself that if I got on the elliptical I would perk up and possibly end up with a fantastic workout.  WRONG.  I know sometimes exercise and those magical endorphins do help, but today my workout just got worse and worse. Finally I stepped off at only 30 minutes/2 miles.

After my failed exercise attempt, I got a call from my GYN nurse with my blood test results.  There were some good and bad results, and I will update on this next week when I get the report in the mail, but my overall cholesterol was not as good as the Little Clinic quick test proclaimed.  This news really added to my sadness.  I had been so elated over that wonderfully wrong lower number.  I will tell the whole story next week.

My attitude not only ruined my exercise, but you guessed it, my food was the next victim.  Emotional eating will always be a battle for me.  It is the little indulgences that lead to wild food abandonment if I keep it up, because as the Talk Show Queen always says, "It is never about the food."  No, it is about me mentally thinking I needed a treat, and letting food be that treat.  I had one piece of toast with cream cheese (with eggs at breakfast), spinach artichoke dip with wheat crackers and a carrot, half a granola bar, and two Hershey's kisses (at lunch).  My calories were not too bad really, and it was not a binge.  More of a calculated "what can I eat that is special" kind of thinking.  That to me is a little scary though, because I was feeding the emotional sadness in my soul with finding some "special food."   I do not want to give into that, because if I do my "special foods" will get bigger and bigger, mirroring my body no doubt.

So today scared me.  How do I know it was emotionally driven?  My sweet husband called me with really fantastic news.  Our prayers are answered.  God is providing the resources (again) for my children's education. Oh I am thankful for an amazing, very hard working husband, and a very faithful God.  And my attitude?  Almost like a curtain, my depression lifted.

I really hate to be that predictable, but the situation was so heavy on my heart.  There are just going to be times like that.  Many I am sure.  Life is hard.  I just need to get stronger at controlling my emotions, and not letting them control me.  Anybody else have a hard time not letting their emotions derail their healthy eating/exercising plans?  What do you do to get through the pain/sadness/emotional void ?  I am hoping and praying to turn today around and step away from the indulgence foods! It is only 4:55, so hopefully I will make it through the long evening!

Week 11 Results

Spring is here and my azaleas are bursting just in time for Easter.  I thought these veggies below looked springish too.  They are so yummy and healthy, just roasted in the oven with some olive oil and sea salt.  My children actually ask for them. We had them with grilled chicken when the grandparents were here.

WEEK 11 RESULTS


Fasting Blood Sugar for 4/12/11 through 4/18/11
73
81
74
74
74 At this point I am starting to wonder if my machine is broken.
74
88  Was it the apple at dinner time? Well my machine is working just fine!

Morning Blood Pressure for 4/12/11 through 4/18/11
101/55
98/64
100/67
97/50
90/55
104/65 Less than six hours of sleep.
82/41

Dreaded Scale Numbers for 4/13/11 through 4/19/11
-0
-0.5
-0.5
-0
-0.5
-0.5
-2
So minus 4 pounds this week bringing my total loss to 38 pounds.  I did have a bigger jump this morning on the scale because I fasted on Monday for some blood tests I was having done this morning.  I hope the scale does not go back up.  It might.  I hate it when that happens.  I am trying to eat lightly today to keep it where it is.

Exercise for 4/12/11 through 4/18/11
Upper body workout and  2.1 miles on the elliptical at 30.54 minutes
CLEANED (for company coming)..does that count? :)
Lower body workout and 3.0 miles at 46 minutes on the elliptical.
3.0 miles on the elliptical..forgot to write time down (probably 46 minutes)
Saturday was a crazy day so a big no on the exercise.
Sunday rest day.
Upper body workout and 3.5 miles at 46 minutes on the elliptical.

Monday, after my two days off, I was ready to hit the elliptical and it was my best time yet.  I tried the interval training where I did several normal minutes interspersed with a minute or two of going super fast.  It was a really great workout.  Unfortunately todays workout was a lot slower due to my lack of calories yesterday.

My collage girl is coming home this weekend.  I am looking forward to a nice Easter with my family. I am off to watch a track meet!

Weekend Fun Again

No big dieting or eating revelations.  I just wanted to post a few pictures from the weekend.  Tomorrow is my update day, and I will share my weekly results then.  We had a great visit with my parents who are now safely home in Bear country.

Macie doesn't care that my mom already has two Yorkies.  She insists on taking over Grandma's lap.

My parents came to see my two girls in the high school play. My seventh grader above was thrilled to be a cheerleader, and my tenth grader below enjoyed several roles.

A few more play pictures below.

            Sisters.

My six year old had to be part of the party.

More sister pictures.  My Junior daughter and her thespian sisters.

Friday evening we attended the Prodigal.  Below are both sets of our parents partying it up afterward.

Saturday my fifth grader competed in our State Bible Drill and won State Winner Superior.  We were so proud of him.

After the early morning Bible Drill Competition we froze to death on the baseball fields.  It was too cold to even think about snapping a picture.  I ran home to make snack trays for a Harry Potter movie party my daughter was hostessing, and then back to the final high school play that evening.  Needless to say, my plans to exercise never materialized.  Sunday I rested from my busy week, and today I am back to my regular routine.

Shockingly Great News

Yesterday morning I ran into Kroger for a skinny minute and walked out over 45 minutes later.  That's not really that unusual, except this time I did not spend a penny.  That is a record.  Anyway, on my way in the door I saw a sign saying The Little Clinic inside was offering free Cholesterol screenings.  I have been wondering what my cholesterol numbers were doing since last October 2010 when the nurse at my gynecologist's office had called me with bad news.  She had informed me that my total cholesterol number was 278.
She was ready, pen in hand, to send off my cholesterol lowering medication prescription to my favorite pharmacy.

This was all confirmed (in case I thought that phone call was a bad dream) by the paper work above showing me the blood work results.  Circled just in case I missed it or something.  I told the nurse that I really wanted to try to lose some weight first before trying medication.  She told me to report back to her lab in three months.  Of course I started right away on revamping my eating habits right after that October call I entered the holiday season, and I didn't do anything different except put on ten more pounds.  I do not know why that number did not shake me into reality, but I just figured I could always start tomorrow.  Frankly, I really did not know if diet alone would move that number anyway.

So I was a little excited and nervous while I waited in the Kroger clinic.  I started to review everything I ate yesterday....2 eggs, a turkey with cheese sandwhich (picnic with the visiting grandparents), almonds, and an apple with organic peanut butter.  It seemed like a lot of fat and cholesterol.  I was really hoping my number had possibly moved down from 278 (39 points above borderline high) into the borderline area of 200-239.  The nurse came out with my results and ominously pointed at them with her pen.  Pointing can't be good right? So I took the paper cautiously and started jumping...literally hopping up and down.  I nearly hugged the nurse, and told her she had made my day.  MY SHOCKINGLY GOOD RESULTS: TOTAL CHOLESTEROL 184!!!!!!!   184!!!!  184!!!!
Really a 94 point drop and way below 200.  I was praising the Lord and just shocked.

My scale is moving slower than I want it too, and I am Miss Impatient, but there are so many rewards on this healthy journey besides the scale going down!!