Everything's Bouquet

Thursday, April 21, 2011


This picture pretty much sums up my lifetime issues with food.  Multi-tasking to the max: barely managing to stand up on those chubby legs while eating at the same time.  Stuffing my mouth would be a better description.

Attitude makes all the difference in everything (obviously), but when it smacks me in the face in a negative way it always surprises me.  Today has been a rough day.  I woke up with such a heavy heart.  Depressed is another valid depiction.  We found out earlier in the week our girls' school tuition will be higher this year, and that seemed like an impossible predicament.  Of course I started praying immediately, but the thought of changing schools for my girls was getting the best of me by this morning.  I woke up knowing the enrollment contract was due Friday and my heart was heavy.  As I took my son to work early this morning we passed a horrific wreck just four minutes from my house.  A six to eight car pile up, with one BMW crushed, and a woman laying very still face down on the road (people around her waiting for emergency help).  That could have been me if we had left on time ten minutes earlier.  I couldn't stop crying and thinking about those poor people and the woman and her family.  The crying over almost anything continued to be a theme this day.  Maybe part of it is my hormones?

Anyway, back to dieting and attitude.  When I got home from that early car drive I knew it was time to hit the elliptical.  I was so down however, I really just wanted to get back into bed.  I was worried though that giving into resting would be a slippery slope, ending in my old habits of no exercise ever, so I told myself that if I got on the elliptical I would perk up and possibly end up with a fantastic workout.  WRONG.  I know sometimes exercise and those magical endorphins do help, but today my workout just got worse and worse. Finally I stepped off at only 30 minutes/2 miles.

After my failed exercise attempt, I got a call from my GYN nurse with my blood test results.  There were some good and bad results, and I will update on this next week when I get the report in the mail, but my overall cholesterol was not as good as the Little Clinic quick test proclaimed.  This news really added to my sadness.  I had been so elated over that wonderfully wrong lower number.  I will tell the whole story next week.

My attitude not only ruined my exercise, but you guessed it, my food was the next victim.  Emotional eating will always be a battle for me.  It is the little indulgences that lead to wild food abandonment if I keep it up, because as the Talk Show Queen always says, "It is never about the food."  No, it is about me mentally thinking I needed a treat, and letting food be that treat.  I had one piece of toast with cream cheese (with eggs at breakfast), spinach artichoke dip with wheat crackers and a carrot, half a granola bar, and two Hershey's kisses (at lunch).  My calories were not too bad really, and it was not a binge.  More of a calculated "what can I eat that is special" kind of thinking.  That to me is a little scary though, because I was feeding the emotional sadness in my soul with finding some "special food."   I do not want to give into that, because if I do my "special foods" will get bigger and bigger, mirroring my body no doubt.

So today scared me.  How do I know it was emotionally driven?  My sweet husband called me with really fantastic news.  Our prayers are answered.  God is providing the resources (again) for my children's education. Oh I am thankful for an amazing, very hard working husband, and a very faithful God.  And my attitude?  Almost like a curtain, my depression lifted.

I really hate to be that predictable, but the situation was so heavy on my heart.  There are just going to be times like that.  Many I am sure.  Life is hard.  I just need to get stronger at controlling my emotions, and not letting them control me.  Anybody else have a hard time not letting their emotions derail their healthy eating/exercising plans?  What do you do to get through the pain/sadness/emotional void ?  I am hoping and praying to turn today around and step away from the indulgence foods! It is only 4:55, so hopefully I will make it through the long evening!