Everything's Bouquet

Sunday, May 22, 2011


Forty pounds down this morning, and do you know how I celebrated?  Think big but not too big.  I bought these big old things and tried them out today.

I know, you can take the girl out of the eighties, but you can't take the eighties out of the girl.  I splurged on a new set of rollers since the clips to my old ones long ago grew legs and walked upstairs. What goes upstairs (teenager haven) usually stays upstairs.

It all goes together for me.  The more weight I put on the less I worried about my hair.  It was stressful enough just hoping my Sunday pants would still zip every week.  The bigger I got the more I just wanted to slip into church and back out without being seen.  It didn't seem like curling my hair would help my puffy face look any better, so when my curler clips went MIA I didn't replace them.

While I am on this subject of letting myself go, another thing I didn't focus on was clothes.  Hardly anything fit, and I refused to buy bigger and bigger sizes, so I wore the same things all the time.  I was also stuffed uncomfortably into them since I thought refusing to buy bigger clothes meant I wasn't that bigger size.  Talk about denial.  Anyway, I am really seeing this now because I am wearing different things all the time.  Almost every other day now one of my children ask me if what I'm wearing is new or they ask why I am "dressed up."  Most of the "new" things they don't remember are clothes from four years ago that I am getting back into.  So I say "NO,  IT'S JUST AN OLD SHIRT" or "THIS OLD SHIRT ISN'T DRESSING UP."  And it isn't dressing up really, but they are just so used to me dressing really really down in my two or three shirts I wore continually that they are surprised.  I hate it that I was such a bad example the last four years, but I see the influence it had, and am determined to do better!

Anyway, as life goes I walked outside with my bouncy hair wilting immediately in the spitting rain.  Before it started pouring I had my favorite budding eleven year old photographer Peter snap a couple shots of me minus 40 pounds.  Mr Aidan would not be left out.

I had a little bounce in my step (even if it was missing from my hair) today wearing my loose skirt and knowing I am just one more pound away from my halfway mark.

The choir sang a song in church today titled, "It is Finished."  There is a line in the song that says, "These were battles of my own making."  I thought of my weight gain and the battle I made for myself.  Then the song says, "I didn't know that the war had been won, Oh but then I heard the King of the Ages, Had fought all the battles for me,  AND THAT VICTORY WAS MINE FOR THE CLAIMING, And now praise His name, I AM FREE."   It makes me teary typing it.  I realized right then that He has already won this for me.  I don't have to wonder or worry if this next 42 pounds is coming off.  In His power and name I AM FREE!!!  They are coming off, and I am excited about experiencing the journey!